Thing I need: Ashley and Thane hospital adventures


FUCKING BULLSHIT. I mean, I love a blown-up version of Carrie Fisher with sex hair and a huge, poufy eighties-style wedding gown as much as the next girl, but this lacks camp, and if there was one thing The Courtship of Princess Leia had in spades, it was CAMP. Where is Teneniel Djo? Where is Ta’a Chume (who I always imagine being played by Joan Collins in her prime)?

The Hapes Consortium is a 63-world cluster run by the misandrist descendants of space pirates; Prince Isolder is a Fabio stand-in who’s too beefcake-y to realize all of his older brothers have been murdered by the Queen Mother, Han wins a planet in a sabaac game, then kidnaps Leia and is captured by a bunch of sexy, all-female Force witches who ride rancors and are engaged in a deadly battle with the NIGHTSISTERS. That’s campier than a My Little Pony-themed drag show.


(Star Wars Expanded Universe Book Covers And The Feelings I Have Had About Them, Fifteen Years Later)

…Boy, when you say it all at once like that, The Courtship of Princess Leia was maybe just a little bit FUCKING AWESOME

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